- fazzyliciousss - ::you said you're ready, i said c'mon in::

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:: Thursday, December 1 ::

dun let me see you, not for now.

i never fail to ask the both of you before i switch it off. sumtyms even wen you're not logged on.

coz i noe all too well the disappointment of wanting to do sumting and haf sumone take it away from you. worse still, wif no simple word of apology.

and juz wen i was feeling horrible, you juz had to lecture me in the middle of the night.

i hate to cry myself to slp and the two of you did it for me.

bravo bravo.

dun even expect me to talk to you dese few days.

you wun die, i wuldnt either. so stay out of my sight, if you actually culd.

i wuldnt say dat you're all dat stupid but i tink you've lost all sense.

and personally, i tink itz worse off dat way.

9:02 am
:: scream

:: Wednesday, November 30 ::

tell me wat i want

for dose who noes me well enuff, you shld noe of dis "habit" of mine rather well.

no, not the organising part. but you're quite warm.

for fear dat my poor poor memory might just fail me any moment now, i list down tings to be done, to be bought, to be brought, to be anyting. i haf tonnes of to-sumting lists on my comp, my hp, pieces of papers at home, in my room, on my cupboards, in my purse. too many i've lost track of wat to do even. lol.

niwae wat i'm about to say next might scare you, if it doesnt den ok. but it scared me, a hell lot.

i was doing up my to-buy/spend on list, since i knew i was gonna get my pay soon.

*scratches itchy hands in great anticipation*

but it was to my terrible terrible horror dat i juz couldnt tink of wat i wanna get for myself!! i fainted for a second of two actually. hehe. but really, i tink i stopped at no4 and i couldnt go on. and for my baby, i alrdy haf 3 on the list. and i can see you smiling now.

so can sumone pls remind me wat are the tings i wanted so badly wen i was broke and penniless? i spent my office hours tinking hard and deep (ooooh...) bout wat i've been yearning and craving for and all i got was blank.

trust me, i so wanted to beat me up too. lol.

and so calling for dose who noes me at least adequately, enlighten me wun you?

9:37 am
:: scream

:: Tuesday, November 29 ::

i'm not so bad.

you tink i'm possesive and paranoid. i noe you noe i'm such and such a gf. but gues wat. i juz rmbred a fren of mine who's way way worse, at least i'd like to tink so ah. heh.

she might be cool and all and seem to be fine wif everyting else, but definitely not wen it comes to her bf, or i tink he shld alrdy be her fiance. niwae she displays the absurdest epitome of paranoia. no kidding.

if you tink screening thru your bf/gf's contacts or gallery in his/her mobile is so-called bad, den be prepared.

she can sit in front of her computer and scan through her bf's friendster profile and each of his friends and "friends". and hell yes, she rmbrs every single one of dem. dey're definitely the "wow" wild couple but trust me, she's stil tough on him. but for me, i cal dis love. lol.

for you who noes who i'm referring to, nod along. and you, no offence dear..

i love you for loving your love. just like i do mine.

5:15 pm
:: scream

she hides her feet

i dun even trust myself anymore. i cant believe i brought upon my own shame. who wuld haf thot dat i was the fuel to my own burning body.

and i culd only stand dere and laugh, in pure misery.

as dey walked off laughing and giggling at my silliness, i waited for the lift up like an innocent fool.

i wuld wanna tel you all bout dis foolish little act of mine but i tink it shld juz stay in the lift.

i walked away hoping the ones who were blur, remain juz as blur or even more, and the ones who knew, to juz gimme the all-knowing smile, and definitely nothing more.

dis sophisticated gerl will always look down as she walks to serve as a reminder of her shamefully stupid deed.

11:31 am
:: scream

:: Monday, November 28 ::

raya revived

indeed it was a revival.

it was only a handful of us, but i'm glad itz you darlings.

me baby zareen nut shai reh marina. hugs hugs kisses kisses.

zareen,
itz been months and months since we last met, and we had so much to catch up on. i missed you so, coz you�re my dear sister who can match up to my screamings and yellings and craziness. see how we took turns being no 1 in memalukan (making a fool of) ourselves?? lol.

your boobs are stil huge, your butt still rather small (compared to mine of coz, hehe.), your bangs stil long, your nose still so so small and your tongue stil so sharp, literally.

and you haven changed one bit.

and me? i�ve grown fatter. sobs.

nut,
i�m glad dat we�ve been meeting up often still and so at least i can take comfort in knowing dat you�re always near wen zareen�s so far away. Wen i joke around bout you being gatal nowadays, i�m actually glad dat you are.

i noe how much you love him and hate him too. so perhaps itz a gud ting you�re beginning to open up. maybe not to love, but at least to the people around you.

shai,
the army boy who went to the doctor to get out of going back to camp yesterday. you and your green ensemble. like you didn�t get enuff of it everyday. but ok ok. you look gud in green. i look gud in green too. in fact i look gud in every other colour.

*shamelessly praising herself*

but back to shai. i tink you noticed too dat you�ve become so much quieter. But den again, wif me zareen reh around, hard to be the talkative one aye? hehe. but i really do tink ns has toned you down a lot. rr maybe u�re juz putting up and act. hehe.

and pls stop bragging bout your complexion and all, no pimples but stil oily, no?

reh,
our ms singapore gerl, soon to be at least. hope you get to haf dem teeth straightened within 6months aight? if it works, tel me babe. i�m tinking mayb i shld get my crooked over and underlapping teeth fixed with dem braces too! i�m juz saying.. but sumhow i�l try to talk myself out of it. the pain, the horror, the money! hehe.

the mum says do it as an investment for my future, and the boyfriend says itz fine so why waste. oh the dilemma. but i tink you noe who i�ll listen to. hehe. so rehyonce babe, wen you go flying, dun forget gifts gifts gifts!

marina,
oh you screechy one. i tink you�ll haf to admit dat you irritate urself sumtyms wif ur own voice. lol.

but i tink datz a gud ting bout it. at least i noe i�ll always rmbr you by ur voice. it�ll always be something dat me n shark wil constantly make fun of and imitate. muahaha.

itz really sad dat we only got close rather recently. we wuld haf been a pair of hellishly irritating and noisy tudung gerls.

*giggles*

but datz ok. we stil haf years ahead of us to continue scaring the people around us, and i�m sure the rest wuldnt mind joining in, esp zareen. lol.

and you baby,
thanx for the every minute next to me. i�m glad you�re exactly the person you are, for i dun tink anyone else can hit it off so well wif my frens, the crazy ones or the loud ones or the seemingly sane ones or the pretentiously quiet ones. hehe.

on one hand i�m glad dat i�ve changed, if not a lot at least significantly, and on the other, i wish i didn�t. so at least you�ll still be the extra extra extra extra caring bf who pampers me too much. now i tink you�re juz the extra extra one. hehe.

but i noe you love me no less. and of coz i dun love you any less too.

so ppl. 15th dec it shall be! the next meetup, yes? i really hope i can join you guys sumhow. esp since you ppl are gonna pay me $7 per hour rite?

bubbuy $59.50, harlow frens!!

4:42 pm
:: scream

:: Thursday, November 24 ::

legs too old for me

yest feels like primary and secondary skool all over again.

except it culdnt be higher. i mean the building. and the no of storeys we all had to climb down to get us to "safety".

i was prepared wif my slippers instead of my wedges. for 11 storeys down werent exactly the fun-est exercise for me. but stil, itz been ages since i've walked so much wifout a wonderful purpose ie. shoppping.

the fire drill was only exciting for the fact dat i culd get out of the office and it wasnt even for lunch or to go home. but after dat 11 storeys of neverending steps, i'd rather stay in the office any tym, all the tym.

woke up wif soreness in my calves. and so i kept wondering why. it juz occured to me bout yest. and it juz occured to me dat i really nid to exercise, if not regularly den mayb once a fortnight?

baby, i nid to do my gyming, and obviously you nid to too.

and oh, i nid my massages too dear.

11:03 am
:: scream

:: Wednesday, November 23 ::

exorcise ur rights.

i wuld say dat exorcism of emily rose is one of the most real horror movie i've seen.

juz an opinion, you're free to rebutt.

but once a while itz nice to "see" invisible forces instead of actual ghosts, ghouls, spirits and wat nots.

for the fact dat itz based on a true story and i believe in the existence in such beings and the happenings of such possessions, it becomes even more real.

i dun nid scary red-eyed long-haired long-nailed burnt skin apparitions to scare me.

to noe dat sumting's dere and i cant see dem but only to feel and hear and smell, datz gud enuff reason to pee in my pants.

and oh, baby... sori for taking dat 2 seconds away from you.it wasnt the most impt part but stil, it was an essential.

again, i'm sori.

3:54 pm
:: scream

i dun shout, rite?

i'm slowly losing my voice, my precious.

how can i talk wif no voice. how can i scream wif no voice. how i can i anyting wif no voice. dis is not gud.

he said itz a gud ting. he said i shout at him. i said i just talk loud and excitedly. i said i dun shout. but seriously, why wuld i? not as if my voice isnt loud enuff on its own dat i haf to resort to shouting.

screaming?

now datz a diff story. lol.

3:05 pm
:: scream

:: Tuesday, November 22 ::

wen bored, blog.

let's see.

constant updates, but bout noting really. itz hard seeing how dead my life is rite now. so pls be kind. i'm trying hard to spare you of my boredom too.

one hour to go and another day at work is finally over and i'll meet you. let us make it a great night dear, just us.

i haf frens who're msging and calling me and being a little bit nicer to me. of coz for a reason. i said "a reason" coz dey both are being "nice" for the same reason.

2 guys wif gfs and yet not behaving like one. you 2 are so so typical and i cant blame you i gues, for you 2 are cousins. so perhaps the taste dun differ all dat much.

oh no, pls. dun get me wrong. dey're in no way attracted to me or anyting, or at least i tink so.

but i cant say the same for my fren.

2 guys, cousins, attached, one gerl, my fren, not over her last love.

and wat will happen next?

we'll see.

5:13 pm
:: scream

*sniffles*

right after my open house, i came down wif a very very bad cold.

the same way everytym i get sick.

first wif the endless sneezes. den the runny nose. den the stuffed nose. den the sore throat. den the cough. den the fever. same ting everytym.

so itz back to my constant stuffing of my trusty chewable vitC tablets days. coz i so so nid to keep my body strong if obviously not stronger. itz different wen you're working full-tym or paid by the month instead of by the hour. i wuld hate to stay home and not earn a single cent wen i can be at work and sick and earn almost 60$ per day.

*eyes light up*

but i really hope dis being sick period ends soon. sucks to be stared by the dad everytym to force me to painstakingly take my dissolved panadol pills. heh.

3:55 pm
:: scream